"Therapy Sessions" ("I've Been Thinking..." THOUGHT PROCESS series 6/12)
“I've Been Thinking...” behind the
songs “THOUGHT PROCESS SERIES”
My latest full length album, “I've Been Thinking...” released on the Savannah based label DopeSandwich Records and Tapes May 3rd is a collection of
concepts and narratives that I've written over the last few years
featuring instrumental contributions from coast to coast and outside
of the country as well. Looking over the collection I'd opine that
it is some of my finest work to date (one would hope). What have you
been thinking? Over 12 days I'll be releasing a behind-the-music
sort of blurb for each track! If there are any questions or comments
regarding the songs please submit them and I'll do my best to answer
and fulfill them! I hope this series is of interest and that the
music does something for you!
Here we are halfway through the album already, which brings us to the most intense song of the album, and certainly breaking new grounds for me, as "Therapy Sessions" is very nearly erotica and is the first song that I publicly address sex. It's also the first song I've released in which I play two different characters in one song, the first verse from the perspective of the male character and the second to the female character. The song is the second on the record that you hear which is produced by Tony Mahoney, who again lends himself to being perfectly moody and emotive while also offering an effectively simple consistent canvas for my lyrics to "solo" over. The initial origins of this song were entirely random. I was driving to perform at a show in Nassau county on a cold rainy night about two years ago (a weather state that always has me thinking of Jazz and storytelling, more significantly ever since I saw the excellent film "Glengarry Glen Ross"). I was freestyling and came up with the initial set of lines in the onset of the first verse of the song and had to pull over to finish that first set of thoughts and send it out to a friend (Roamer, coincidentally) out of the excitement of the spontaneity of the muses. Over the next few weeks I finished the first verse/poem and then set it down, unsure of what to do with it, figuring maybe it would become a one-off piece later on. I drew from personal experience and stories from friends of mine as well, I remember thinking that I wanted to capture the vulnerability of a female character and also how the passionate and romantic act of intimacy can sometimes be very dark too and disconnected too. I was curious/interested about trying to present the ambiguous feelings produced with a one-night stand or "friends with benefits" interaction, and how they function mutually as these little sessions of release and therapy, but can be paradoxically puzzling and worrisome on another token as well.
"You rap like a girl"
On a series of songs you haven't heard yet from my work-in-progress, Rapologues, I do perspectives of multiple characters to tell stories. A few of those had been written at the time, and I wanted to explore that more. About a year or so later I found myself wanting to hear from the girl in that situation, feeling like the piece was unfinished without what could be her perspective or experience. I realized that even in the tender/conscious realm of indie rap, with iconic influential (to me at least) groups/writers like Eyedea and Abilities, Atmosphere, Brother Ali (the list goes on), we get the opportunity to sympathize with female characters and hear their plight and how they may be wounded and taken advantage of, and sometimes are uplifted. (Eyedea/ Oliver Hart's - "Bottle Dreams", Atmosphere's "Lyndale Avenue User's Manual", "Dreamer", Brother Ali's "You Say (Puppy Love") and so on). Surely there are plenty of songs where we see women angrily portrayed woefully and vindictively (My own verses in "Will She Ever Change?" and my hyperbolic metaphor piece "Termagant" from D.o.drent's "Walking Nightmare" from our project "Creative Differences (A Split)" ) after break ups. I wanted that verse to depict a woman that was may be damaged (just as she reveals the male surely is, because anyone who has gone through life without being wounded is lying to themselves or never really lived) but knows what she wants, is powerful, self assured and not nearly as needy as the other character would believe. Also, I wanted her to be sexually charged without being deemed as manipulative or "slutty", since the former is something we have trouble accepting about women without imagining the ladder is a side effect, which I always find is hypocritical and ironic in a world that so often seeks to sexual females in the media to advertising ends but then shames them if they carry themselves confidently or conduct themselves salaciously. What was important to me to communicate overall through both verses being associated with one another was that, especially in these emotionally complex stimulation, everyone thinks they not only know what they want and are in control of themselves and have a leg-up over the other person (no pun intended), but that they also are privy to the seemingly "obvious" fact of what the other person's needs and wants are. We as animals are convoluted bundles of hormones and emotions, impulses and triggers are very rarely as consciously in control or disciplines as we think, and our feelings fluctuate constantly especially when intimacy is battered around the way that it is. While both characters sense a tenderness for the other in a way, and a seeming condescending pity and false sense of superiority and stability and detachment, assuring themselves that they use "love" as a confessional tool to maintain what they have, they are surely both curious about what goes on in the others head once they are alone and left to the tumultuous pensive solitude of their own thoughts. Maybe the cologne and the perfume aren't the only things lingering in the cool night's air. I think of this as sort of the opposite side of the circumstantial, though slightly similar idea as the fourth song on the record "Zoned Out"
I had a hard time deciding how I would present the two different personalities... Would I have a female rap the verse I wrote? Would I have a lady come and sing backup vocals or do something to represent that there was a gender change? In the end I decided to just let the lyricism and the storytelling do the work and trust my listeners/trust my readers to understand everything. I wrote the chorus to be thematically exceptionally playful and convoluted (I'm always fascinated by making what I call a sort of sentence-anagrams, where the same sentence's words are used but are rearranged or contorted slightly to present different meanings as opposed to a true anagram.). I decided I still needed someone to represent the female voice, someone who could perform the chorus with me. I was hoping on my extremely talented poet friend Chatham Grey, because she has a great voice and also because much of her poetry centers around erotica in one way or another, and it could be uncomfortable for many people to be associated with a song of this lascivious nature. I put out a post about it on facebook and serendipitous or fortuitously enough, Chatham messaged me within minutes! I got her in the studio and she was a natural and we had a really fun time recording and hanging out a bit.
I hope that this song gets you thinking about things. For my final two cents on the subject, I've come to feel that any sort of interaction between two people isn't wrong, as long as it is mutually agreed upon and everyone is honest with each other. In this way, nobody gets hurt and everyone's feelings and expectations are understood, as opposed to the ever-flawed game of actions dictated by presumption.
Be good to one another, get sexy would ya?
-Bruce "AllOne" Pandolfo
Stay tuned tomorrow for the artist/graffiti writer and loner's anthem/character sketch "Roamer"!
Comments
Post a Comment